Woo hoo! ~ Monday, December 17, 2007

I am using my new bday gift to write this entry-an apple iphone! I love this phone and the keyboard is pretty easy to use. My bf rocks my socks off. I'm off to play with my new toy.

we are going through a heatwave at home so it was nice to be in flagstaff where the highs were in the 80s and the lows were in the 50s-we actually got cold at night! on sunday night we had the loudest thunder storm i've ever heard that almost made me pee my pants-nothing like laying in a tent, listening to the rain pound down and praying that the lightning doesn't hit the tree you are pitched under. -__-; after awhile the rain really did make me have to pee and i had to wait until the storm passed because apparently it isn't good to run around doing the pee-pee dance with lightning overhead. when we got home the next day it was a toasty 96 degrees-kind of a slap in the face after the crisp, cool weather of the mountains. supposidly the heat wave is supposed to decease this week which should be relieving-having no a/c is not only inconvenient, it makes me search for excuses to sit in the car so i can use the a/c there. =P

i did end up dropping one of my classes-i decided that there is no need to be too crazy this semester and that i need to pace myself. besides, the class i dropped i've taken 3 times before so its no biggie. on that note, i have to study-teachers who have tests two weeks into the semester suck. =( damn, it's hot.

taken away at - 12:28 p.m.




ahh...school... ~ Monday, August 20, 2007

so...i'm taking seven classes this semester.

plus a lab.

4 performance classes.

and 4 psych classes.

i had arranged my classes so that i have them three days a week in case i needed to get myself a part time job...which might not be possible with all the classes i am taking now. am i a little insane? there are so many things i would love to do if only i had the time...

on a whim i decided to join the jazz choir. it's a relatively small group of people which will hopefully let me hear myself sing more and perhaps work on my solos again (which scares the crap out of me). i haven't really done much jazz singing and i was sweating bloody bullets when the teacher had us sing a little improvisation with some piano music. it always amazes me that when i'm put in the spotlight my heart starts pounding so hard i think it's going to explode. i really do need to work on my solos though, and i think that this will be a great opportunity to broaden my music horizons.

five classes in a row are tough. i'm a bit worried about my finances, as i had someone hack my info and charge up my paypal account (which they won't refund) and i have to spend almost $200 on a choir dress, necklace, earrings, and music. this is only for one class mind you, thank goodness the other ensembles don't charge for music (yet).

the bf somehow finagled me into a camping trip-and we're not talking about camp-by-your-car-and-restroom-and-shower kind of camping, we are talking about hike-5-miles-into-the-wildnessness-and-dig-a-hole-when-needed kind of camping. i don't consider myself high maintenance, but i do rather like and prefer the comforts of home (and a shower). i'm not sure how i agreed to this but i did, and i know the bf has been dying for me to get into camping with him, so i won't knock it until i try it.

just a sidenote: you know you are old when the professor asks a show of hands of who is born before 1986 and you are one of three people that raises your hand. -___-; also, when my professor had us listen to a song by stevie wonder half the class didn't really know who he was. are you serious? i mean, it's stevie wonder for christ sake. crikey i'm old.

taken away at - 09:41 p.m.




the end to a great week ~ Sunday, August 12, 2007

what a great weekend-i took friday off from work and headed to san juan capistrano with the bf. i really wanted to see the mission again and just spend a summer day in beautiful sjc. the weather was perfect-not a cloud in the sky and just a light enough breeze in the air to keep you cool. unfortunately being the doofus i am i forgot the camera, but i found a few pictures online to suffice:











i couldn't really find any good pictures of the downtown area, but i absolutely love the rustic style and lushness of the area (something kind of rare these days in southern oc).

on saturday my brother and his wife were married! it was a beautiful wedding, held at my sister's boss's home in coto. i wore these heels that absolutely killed my feet but at least looked good. =P everything went smoothly and once again the weather was perfect for their outside wedding.







i have my last week of work and though i loved this job i am a little relieved to be done and to be going back to school. i can say that this was honestly the first job i've ever had that i thoroughly enjoyed without a hitch. i go back and forth on the idea of actually staying, but i know that i must move onward.


of course at the wedding the bf and i were pummeled with inquiries of when we were going to tie the knot. for the most part we dodged the question but it is something we have been talking about a bit more as of late. ;) all i can say is keep your eyes peeled for the future!

taken away at - 10:54 p.m.




a bit outdated ~ Sunday, August 5, 2007

sorry it has been awhile since i've updated this thing...for anyone who cares...which i think consists of me and the cat edit: and toki *waves*(sorry kitty).

work has for the most part been keeping me busy and as the weeks go by i find it just a teensy bit harder to stay motivated and focused. i am really not up for the 8-5 grind hidden in a cubicle, five days a week. i think that thought along scares the beejeebies out of me. it makes me wonder if i will really, truly find an area of interest that i can concentrate on for the rest of my working years.

my brother is getting married next saturday. i am excited and getting wrapped up in the festivities. we had the bachelorette party yesturday which was lots of fun and i tried to come up with as many embarassing stories about my brother as i could (which are few, either because i'm senile or because my brother was really just a mellow kid). i am planning to take next friday off so i can spend some time with the bf (whom i rarely see these days because of his commute to work) and to have a nice three day weekend before school kicks off.



i still feel a bit weirded out about my brother getting married and i can't quite put my finger on why. everything is so different than it was four years ago, and it feels as if things are not going to stop changing anytime soon. i am a bit saddened by all the change at times, whether it has been for the better or worst. i feel that i was closest with my brother than my other siblings and that we hung out the most while growing up (or that i tagged along the most with him and his friends. ok, i was the annoying little sister that always wanted to hang out with the big kids).

regardless of feeling slightly glum i am extremely happy for my brother and his wife to be. i know they will be successful and happy with their new life together.

i've also been bitten a bit by the wedding bug. is that wedding bells i hear in the near future? =P j/k, i'll at least wait until the hype is down and everyone's wallets are full again. xD

here's to my brother and his fiance, and a great wedding to come!

taken away at - 09:08 p.m.




work blog ~ Tuesday, July 10, 2007

top of the morning! my first work blog of the summer lol. its probably not a good idea to make a habit of this though. xD

anyway, my 4th of july was very relaxing. i met some of the bf's relatives that are visiting from out of state and hung out with the bf's side of the family. the next day it was back to work and that weekend it was off to indio. where is indio you say? it's a good distance away from palm springs in the middle of the desert. was it hot? well, let's just say that it was only 116 farenheit when we got there.

there really isn't much in indio. the bf's relatives had never been there and apparently didn't know what they were getting themselves into. nevertheless, it was nice to spend a weekend away from home (even if it was in the sweltering desert) and to get to hang out more with the bf's relatives. we played the longest game of trivia pursuit (which i suck at) and after four hours everyone forfeited (did i mention how much i suck at trivia pursuit?). i tried to sunbathe for a bit and found that 120 degrees of scorching sun was a bit to withstand. i think i only lasted about fifteen minutes. now i am back at work and the bf is spending the rest of the week in indio. what am i going to do all by myself?

well, i guess there is always kingdom hearts. xD and my tv shows. thank goodness for dvr!

my entries are so...how you say...blasé. why can't my life be more exciting? =P

taken away at - 07:52 a.m.




another sunday post ~ Sunday, July 1, 2007

i seem to have this thing with blogging on sundays...its like closure of the week for me. well, let's get this started...

i am on my own for a few days while the bf is working in sd. it's very quiet with our own place now (minus the kids that seem to live in the pool) and especially because our noisy neighbors got evicted. we no longer have crazy psycho #1 cussing us out and crazy psycho #2 banging and kicking our door in the middle of the night because they took offence to us calling them on their noisiness. hey, it also isn't our fault that they were being shady with their rental agreement. capiche?

aside from all that i have just been working and trying to enjoy the summer as best as i can. my brother's fiance just had her bridal shower yesturday and after i saw her open all her gifts i wanted to get married too, if only for the reason to have three crock pots given to me. damn, i wish i had a crock pot. =(

i do have a mini vacation planned for next weekend: the bf and i are going to palm springs to hang out with his fam and relatives visiting from mass. i wish i could stay for more than one day, but you do what you can with the time you have.

i hope everyone has a great week and a wonderful fourth of july!

taken away at - 10:00 p.m.




random entry ~ Sunday, June 24, 2007

its the end of the weekend which always seems to come way too fast-i still believe that the work week should only be four days long and that we should have a three day weekend.

i'm still trying to figure out this thing called life and have sought out advice from different sources. i have decided to keep on the course that my heart tells me to go on and that is with music. i will audition again next semester and see how things go from there.

the anime expo is this weekend, and though i am not an anime fan a few of my favorite artists will be performing in their debut collaboration called SKIN. yes, SKIN. wtf, i know. i am a bit dissapointed because i will most likely not be able to go, mostly because of lack of funds. this might also be a good thing though, because i'm sure if i ever got my hands on gackt i probably wouldn't be coming back home that night. xD

on a sidenote i started kingdom hearts II last night. i have been putting off this game because i knew i would be sucked in the moment i started it and didn't want to have to procrastinate against scholarly duties. seeing as it is now summer i've decided the time to procrastinate and rot my brain with video games starts now. xD

taken away at - 04:37 p.m.




dissapointment and failure ~ Sunday, June 17, 2007

so...i did not end up passing my music audition which i wasn't entirely surprised or dissapointed with. i did not perform as confidently as i should have or feel entirely confident with my second piece (which i chose only a couple weeks prior to the audition). so the question is where should i go from here? do i continue to pursue the path towards music or do i give up and look at other alternatives?

i'm pretty well known for running away from failure. once i fail at a task i tend to never try it again. i've already looked at other areas of study that might interest me and have found that there isn't really much out there that inspires me. and then i think that maybe i'm going about all this the wrong way and maybe i am just not cut out to have a school career. there are plenty of fields you can excel at without a degree...though those that interest me are far few in between.

i'm at a total halt and for the first time in my life i have no friggen clue as to what i should do next. i feel as if i've wasted the last five years of my life taking bullshit classes, dropping out of school to deal with bullshit family issues, working a bullshit job for two years, going back to school to obtain a degree i'm not interested in, and wasting time on a subject that i know i should have put more effort into when i had the time but never did. i guess i thought i would always find a way to get by or have something to fall back on.

realty has bitch-slapped me hard. for the moment i have a few different options: A) i drop out of school and find a fulltime job that will allow me to catch up on my bills but that i will probably be miserably unmotivated in. B) i continue to obtain a degree in psychology even though i will probably do nothing with it career-wise. C) i continue toward a music degree and sign up for more auditions come spring.

none of those options sound very promising to me.

to totally divert the subject i have started my new job last week and so far it has been going well. the pay is enough to keep me happy and i will be secure until i start school (if i decide to enroll next semester). but again the job is kind of a no-brainer and in a field i have little interest in, but enough experience in to get me good pay.

i have this knarly bugbite on my back that is the size of a small saucer. i think i got bit by a very unfriendly spider-it itches like crazy! that's the thanks i get for saving spiders i find in my home and putting them back outside instead of squishing them.

i should get to bed...gotta be up in five hours. did i ever mention how much i hate the 8-5 grind?

taken away at - 11:22 p.m.




winding down ~ Tuesday, June 12, 2007

i think i picked the worst time to find temporary employment-six temp agencies later and i've only barely found myself another job to support me through at least july. i think i've done the same typing and software tests so many times i could answer them in my sleep. this past week of unemployment hasn't helped my "poor" status and i feel like i'm barely getting by on cheese and crackers. not to mention only putting about 10 bucks of gas in my car at a time. hey, being poor ain't easy ok?

i was almost about to go back to the job with the sheisty massage parlour (with a raise in pay of course) when i got last minute word on another job that would pay more and would hopefully be in a better working enviroment. it also happens to be further away and i'm hoping the commute won't end up killing me (L.A. traffic anyone?) but like i said before, i need to broaden my horizons while i can.

sigh. why must being a responsible adult be so hard sometimes?

taken away at - 11:38 p.m.




unemployment ~ among other things ~ Thursday, June 7, 2007

it's been a bit difficult trying to find a temp job to hold me over the summer. i don't know if its because i've raised my minimun or the job market right now sucks but it seems no place is looking for temporary hire. i've been through a few different temp agencies and have been applying to jobs the past few days with little luck. i'll just have to wait out a little longer and see if i can find something this coming week.

i decided to quit the job i was working at before and had my last day there on tuesday. needless to say, i was pretty elated to be done. there really wasn't anything wrong with the position except that the management was a bit lacking and i didn't really get any training-i had to learn things by trial and error. they also have this sheisty massage business in the back that i'm not sure about. i trained another girl to take my place and the second day she was there she was already calling her recruiter to find something else. at least i know it wasn't just me.

well now i'm jobless which i can't really afford to be but i figured that i either stick to my values or put up with a job i would be miserable in just so it would pay my bills. i've found that the older i get the less i'm willing to put up with in terms of shitty employment. its time to be a bit more adventurous and to see what's really out there while i still have the chance. besides, why waste your life away if you aren't willing to take a chance once in awhile?

the time off has been a bit nice-i'm so not used to the 8-5 grind. sure during the school year i'm at school during that time (sometimes even longer) but it's a different atmosphere. i have steadfast goals to obtain when i'm at school whereas when i'm working a no-brainer job i'm usually watching the clock tick by.

aside from being unemployed the bf and i have found another friend for our kitty-ironically enough from my friend's mom (the cat lady) who we picked up our first two cats from. i have to remind my friend to tell her mom to stop picking up strays because i'm not going to be able to take them to the shelter for her anymore (i've taken in 4 cats for her, i think the shelter probably has my picture posted for reference somewhere). but her mom lucked out this time because we are still looking for a companion for our kitty. her mom has this orange tabby kitten (which ironically again i've been looking for! i've always wanted an orange tabby) and we've already named him gary (in reference to spongebob's pet sea snail). i can't wait until we can go get him.

besides that i'm trying to enjoy my summer while i can. things will probably start picking up soon-friends are coming to visit and my brother is getting married in two months! where does the time go?

taken away at - 09:55 p.m.




rolling along ~ Thursday, May 24, 2007

and i'm back to working fulltime, which sucks. the 8-5 thing five days a week just isn't my thing, and as i've gotten older i've struggled with it more. i get picky and feisty in my old age. my job right now is eehhh but i'll probably get more into that in another entry on another day.

the friday five is already posted up on their site. heck, it's almost midnight...

What was the last item you returned to a store?
i believe it was this carbon gas detector i bought from target because i thought it was defected which it wasn't-i just don't know how to read directions right apparently. >_<

What do you currently have in your possession that you need to return to its owner?
bills. and lots of them.

What’s something you lent to someone that you’d really like back now?
my yoo sueng jun tape. damn, i miss that tape.

Where’s a place you hope never to see again?
the bottom of the toilet. for 24 hours straight. food poisoning sucks major donkey balls.

What’s your explanation for those wild stories about dogs and cats who get separated from their owners for years and finally make their way home, even at times finding their owners when the families have moved a long way away?
instinct, loyalty, and love. my silly cat got lost for a week before he returned home and i was amazed. i don't know how he managed to get that lost in the first place and how he ever found his way back. animals rock!

speaking of kitties...no luck with finding a new buddy for our cat. =( we'll keep looking.

taken away at - 10:06 p.m.




summertime ~ ~ Saturday, May 19, 2007

so far i have been on summer vacation for about a week and i can gleefully say that i have done absolutely nothing-aside from cleaning up the place and getting errands done that is. i had expected to be working already but it looks like that won't come until the end of the month. i guess i better get my extra videogaming on now while i'm still free from slave labor work.

its funny how you can lose track of time when you are free of obligations. i spent the latter part of the week a day behind and really thought that yesturday was thursday. i even convinced the bf though he asked me ten times if it was really thursday. i only found out a few hours ago when i consulted a calendar that i was wrong. ouch-good thing i didn't have any appointments for friday...or the rest of the week for that matter. i wonder how much longer i would have went along being one day behind in the week...

i found a possible playmate for the kitty on craigslist. i might be driving to the san diego area this weekend to pick him up if all goes well. keep your fingers crossed!

taken away at - 01:18 a.m.




procrastination part 2 ~ Tuesday, May 8, 2007

mondays are so overrated. i've missed the last few mondays of class because i have been extremely unmotivated as of late. and i've been having a hard time getting a good night's rest-sleeping on the floor for the past few weeks is catching up to me i guess. i'm so lethargic right now it's pretty pathetic, and i'm trying hard to kick myself out of it.

thank god this is the last week of classes...i have a job interview tomorrow and i'm hoping a change of atmosphere will do me well-not to mention having some extra cash in pocket so i can you know, afford paying my bills on time.

taken away at - 02:39 a.m.




settling in ~ Sunday, April 29, 2007

we still have things that need to be taken care of but for the most part the bf and i are pretty settled in our new place. we've made multiple trips to target which is just down the street from us and everytime we go we see this welcome mat that we've been dying to get. well, after picking up crucial things for our place first we finally bought it on our last run to target:


lol i know that the picture is of a plate but i couldn't find one of the actual mat-and it looks just like that plate. it might seem silly but it puts a smile on my face everytime i step outside onto that mat. xD

i've been pretty fatigued lately-i think all the late night moving caught up to me. not to mention that with the end of the semester comes finals and performances that often kick my ass. and i'm out of shape. not to mention flabby. ok i'll stop.


i picked up dir en grey's new cd on a whim today. it's a bit surreal to go into the local music shop and find deg's albums amongst the rows of alternative and pop. not to mention that i can't remember the last time i actually went into a music store and bought a cd. the internet shopping cart owns me.

i just finished my first run-through of the cd and i'm on my second round-i was a bit aprehensive with getting this cd because deg has gotten a bit more metal than my old fogie ears can handle these days, but i was surprised when introduced with rather-mello track #1. there is a twinge of deg's old sound, integrated with their "new" sound which i also like, though i'm still not quite sure about kyo's english. =O i'm particularly fond of track #9, which has a rather long title that i won't type out, and also track #10.

in other news...well, there really isn't other news at the moment. =P check back later!

taken away at - 06:42 p.m.




wow ~ Thursday, April 19, 2007

let me just say that moving sucks. and i've learned my lesson about waiting until the last minute to start looking for places...try lucking out on finding a place a day before your lease is up. =O after the stress of all that came the fun process of packing and moving everthing within 2 days...try dragging a fridge up a flight of stairs as quietly as you can in the middle of the night.

all in all though it has been a successful move. i live 10 minutes away from school now which is a plus (at least for me) and i have a place all to myself-with the addition of a redhead and cat of course. =P there is still quite a bit to do around here before we are settled but i think we are winding down before we finish the little things. no need to exert ourselves here!

the bf is passed out and even the kitty is snoozing away. i think it's time that i head in their direction. goodnight!

taken away at - 02:17 a.m.




procrastination ~ Friday, April 6, 2007

before i begin my blog on this lovely day i'd like to start off with the friday five:

What’s your routine when you sit down to read a newspaper?
well, i usually don't read an actual newspaper, and instead use websites like cnn.com and ocregister.com, but my routine usually goes like this: i start off reading the world and political news, become depressed with how fucked up the world is, then go on to local news so i know what crazies in my area are doing, then move on to the funner things in life, such as the entertainment and health columns. i think one day though i might end up moving to canada.

When you fire up your web-browser on a typical day, what’s your browsing routine?
i always check my email first, usually personal, work, then school. then sadly its usually myspace haha. then the news. then on a good day i can catch up on forums and blogs i like to browse through.

It’s time to tidy up your living space! In what order do you normally tackle things? oh god. why is it my turn to tidy up the place? i like to dust and clean off all surfaces first, organize anything out of place and then vacumn. and i always start with the bathroom first because i want to get the places i hate to clean the most out of the way to leave room for the more undaunting places, such as the livingroom. then i'll promptly sit down on the couch, throw my feet up on the coffee table, open up a bag of chips, and let the good crumbs roll.

Holy cow! It’s time to start thinking about Christmas shopping! How do you approach this annual, sometimes-daunting task?
usually last minute. and usually online. thank god for amazon!

What’s your method for paying bills?
well, since i'm billkeeper of the place i pay the bills in full and my roommates will pay me their share of the bills when they can. but i usually wait for due days to creep up before i pay because you know, i'm poor.

now that that's done with i can get on to other things...such as me not going to class today. i woke up this morning, turned the alarm clock off, and rolled back over. i'm becoming so horribly apathetic it's rather scary. actually i'm not that apathetic, i'm still up and about getting other things done, i think i am just rather over school at the moment. i spent so much time preparing for this past audition (and to think it was only one, what if next time i have four or five?) that i'm a little exhausted. i think i deserve an extended weekend! =P

taken away at - 02:44 p.m.




phoenix trip ~ Sunday, April 1, 2007

some hightlights from our trip this past week:















the bf and i had a great and relaxing few days in AZ-the weather was warm, the sky was clear, and we even made it out to the zoo before we headed home. i love the dessert area, especially sedona, though i don't think i could actually live there. a nice vacation home would do nicely though. =P

it is now the end of spring break and i'm slapping myself back into reality. everything is so surreal when you spend a few days away and then find yourself having to get back into the grind. vacations used to be so easy to come back from when you were a kid, and then when you get older it seems to get harder-having to come home to work and pay the bills seems to make everything else seem more glamorous doesn't it?

well, summer isn't too far off and there's only about a month and a half left of this semester of school. i've started looking for jobs but i think i've become rather picky in my older age-i've worked a lot of average joe smoe jobs and i'm just willing to settle or put up with much in the workforce these days. i'll have to figure something out soon. my lease is also up in two weeks and i still have idea where the bf and i will live. i think we have just been putting things off because we know that when it comes down to it we will eventually find a place. or live at his mom's for the summer. i used to worry and stress about finding a place to live, but after moving seven or so times in the last four years i've gotten this moving thing down pretty good. besides, who wants unneeded stress?

i'm almost ready to be sucked into kingdom hearts II-i'm on the last level of the sidestory game at the moment. this is actually the first videogame and gameguide i bought for myself. when i lived at home my brother had all the game consoles and games, so i was set. but i'm rather proud that i went out and bought the game and everything...though someone tell me why this game has a 400 page gameguide to go with it-rather complex isn't it?

alright, now that i'm done announcing my geekiness to the world i think i'll try to get some laundry going before heading off to dreamworld. until next time!

taken away at - 11:04 p.m.




spring break ~ Tuesday, March 27, 2007

you know, i never really understood what exactly the big deal about spring break was. i mean, not every school district has spring break the same week as everyone else so when do you know what week is officially spring break? and i'm not just talking about a pansy spring break but "SPRING BREEAAAK!" as mtv and the posters at school scream out at me. huge displays with scrawls of "SAFE SEX" and colorful banners of "STAY SOBER" adorned the halls and walkways of my school. is springbreak really all what its cracked up to be?

i remember when i was younger and in my "teen" years that during my spring break i looked forward to late nights out partying with the girls and seeking out cute boys. of course with my highly strict parents i rarely was allowed to stay out past 10 and any mention of boys was almost surely to get me locked in my room. by the time i was old enough to maturely partake in these functions i found that i no longer held any interest in them. so i never really got that "SPRING BREAK" vibe and it feels rather ridiculous to me when i watch tv and all i see are different renditions of "girls gone wild: spring break edition" plastered on the screen.

my audition on sunday went ok. i was very nervous though i tried not show it, and after only the first page of my second piece i was shooed offstage. some auditions are just like that, where you feel as if you are only worth 5 minutes time to pay attention to before they rush to the next person. i guess that is just the way it goes.

so i'm on break this week and heading to phoenix tomorrow through saturday for an impromptu vacation with the bf. no real solid plans of what to do, other than meet up with his friend and to enjoy each other's company. see you all when i get back!

taken away at - 08:17 p.m.




no time... ~ Thursday, March 22, 2007

i am a horrible friend. i get so preoccupied with everything going on in my life that i often do not make time for others. i find myself going out of my way to not have to do someone a favor or i am ignoring phone calls because i am not up to making conversation. when did i become so horribly anti-social?

i have a lot of things laying heavily on my mind and i am trying hard not to let it all get to me or worse off, keep me up into the wee hours of the night. let's just say that i will be glad to have this weekend over with.

my left wrist is incredibly sore. and i know it is not from playing music, but from playing videogames. sigh. i guess i will just have to stay away from the ds for a little while longer.

i have 3 days until my audition. wish me luck!

taken away at - 11:53 p.m.




i am sadly addicted... ~ Sunday, March 4, 2007

to kingdom hearts. its what i think about during the week when i don't have time to play it, and what i ponder on before heading to dreamland at night...if i had to choose between leon and cloud, who would it be?

the bf even bought the 2nd side-story version for the ds which i am already looking forward to playing once i'm done kicking butt with the first version. then there is the actual 2nd version itself (besides the side-story one). this just might be never-ending at this point.

i convinced myself that i deserved a day off from practicing and instead spent a good 7-8 hours in front of the tube, tongue poking out of the side of my mouth as i whooped some "heartless" ass. who can think about an upcoming audition when donald and goofy need my asistance in defeating the heartless?

sigh. trying to get back to reality as the beginning of the week settles in. drats.

taken away at - 11:13 p.m.




bad habits ~ Wednesday, February 28, 2007

i really need to stop waiting until the last minute of the night to eat. i was about to go to sleep hungry because its so late but the bag of chips on my desk was too enticing-and then i had to of course match the chips with something more solid, like a burrito. =D i must say though that having a full, happy tummy will make it easier to fall asleep.

when the bf isn't around to cook or monitor my eating i really fall back into my bad eating habits. bag of popcorn for dinner anyone? chips and soda for breakfast? its horrible i know, and just another reason to keep my cute redhead around. xD hey, one of us has to be the healthnut of this relationship...its just not going to be me.

hmm, school in 5 hours. speaking of other bad habits...

taken away at - 02:59 a.m.




just another day ~ Thursday, February 22, 2007

not much has been going on but i thought i would blog anyway for lack of anything better to do. actually i'm taking a break from practicing music-i'm going to try to crank out another 2 hours before calling it quits and playing video games. =P i've become insanely addicted to guitar hero II and kingdom hearts, which i used to play when it first came out. i think i could be a video gamer's dream-i would rather sit around with the playstation as company rather than go out to the bars anyday.

i ran across a video clip by angelah johnson who is a comedian. she does a bit about an experience at a nail salon that hits pretty close to home (at least for where i live in CA, not sure about other places). besides the slightly offensive stereotyping the video is funny as hell. i'm sure anyone who has gone to a nail salon around here can understand.

that's it for now, back to practicing i go.

taken away at - 05:03 p.m.




listless ~ Friday, February 16, 2007

i'm exhausted. and discouraged.

i need the strength and courage to go on.








taken away at - 11:48 p.m.




music snobs ~ Sunday, February 11, 2007


it boggles my mind at how uptight some people are in this area of study. i've found that cliques have already been made and very few people are willing to "let you in". maybe they're threatened by competition, shy, or just a plain music snob.

on a most recent day of class i arrived to find that the room was still locked. outside sat a few of my fellow students and i walked up, ready to greet and make small talk if needed. i said a simple "hello" and what i get in return was a wry smile from one person and stares from the others like i came from another planet. did i forget to shower? was i wearing unmatching shoes? did i have a sign on my face that said "do not talk to me"? they continueed to jibber jabber as if i wasn't there. i do speak english you know, but maybe the asian looks threw them off.

we enter class and i notice a person who used to be in my ensemble. i'm feeling a bit wary with making more conversation when i know i could probably get a better response from the concrete walls, but i decide to go against instinct and ask her if she was a music major. she gives me a "look" and curtly says "no" before looking away. my feathers are a bit ruffled but i think she was feeling defensive, for whatever reason. i continue to make small talk for sake of being polite and she lightens ever so slightly. but when i mention that i saw her in my ensemble the other day she immediately goes on the defense and claims that there was no way in any shape or form that she had been there. that was a bit of a puzzling response when i saw her sitting next to me at the ensemble. i decided not to press the issue and leave well enough alone.

i experience this on a daily basis and i ponder why it is so common. i can't be an entirely horrible person to get along with, i have managed to make nice aquaintences along the way. and i have of course met some wonderful people who are willing to lend me advice and talk to me like a normal human being. sometimes though i really wonder about putting in the extra effort.

i'm off to LA to find new flutes tomorrow. i'm hoping it doesn't cost me an arm and a leg. i'm also hoping not to break down and cry when i see what i cannot afford. oh the woes of being a poor student.

taken away at - 01:21 a.m.




what a weekend ~ Monday, February 5, 2007

between celebrating the bf's birthday, having a huge superbowl party, losing my kitty, and finding out my brother is engaged(!) i have felt a bit overwhelmed. i decided that mondays are way overrated and took the day off from school. =P somewhat silly i know and i do feel a bit guilty about it but i think i deserved a day of rest.

i've decided that being left by myself is not always the best-i'm then left alone with my thoughts and nothing to distract me from them. i'm excited and happy for my brother, though it will be slightly weird to have my closest sibling married and starting his own family. are we all really growing up? when did time start spinning so fast?

i'm still somewhat glum without my little cat-the house seems empty without him and my other cat keeps pacing around and meowing at me. what had happened was that my little cat had gotten ran over by a car and someone had called me to let me know. i ran outside to get him and figure out where i could bury him since it was so late-there was no place open that would take a dead animal. the bf picked a spot behind the railroad tracks where no one would bother him.

i'm trying not to be all glum-ho about things and concentrating on my schedule. but i'm starting to feel lethargic again. its time to get up and do something about it...

taken away at - 02:44 p.m.




a tribute ~ Friday, February 2, 2007

in remembrance of hyde, the cat that put a little more spark in my life...

- the cat that mewed right in your face when he wanted something
- the cat that peed on almost every valuable piece of furniture i own and even then i wouldn't trade him in for anything
- the cat that always wanted to be by your side, even when you were going to the bathroom
- the cat that was a little clumsy but made up for it in charm
- the cat that i only owned for a few months, but that i will love and remember for a lifetime.

i'll miss you.


taken away at - 10:17 p.m.




aging and dillemas of sorts ~ Friday, January 26, 2007

i've ran across some interesting blogs today, including don's who is one of the oldest bloggers at 93 and donni's who's entries are filled with the facsination of growing older and the discrimination older age can bring. i am inspired by their experiences and sometimes at a loss for words when they speak of their fears and their ultimate wants for the world before they go.

when i was 15 i remember being asked the typical question of where do you see yourself in 10 years? my response then was something along the lines of having finished college, being settled somewhere, maybe married, and getting my career off the ground. ten years later and so far i am in the process of changing majors because i can't seem to decide what to do with life, getting ready to move again come this spring, and i still don't know what i'm going to end up doing for a career. at least i got the serious relationship part down.

i'm always a bit remorseful with how quickly time has gone by and how i haven't been fully using time to my best advantage. i feel as if i'm always behind and holding back on decisions that should have been made long ago. i will definately be in school for years to come, which isn't to say is a bad thing but i know one of these days i will want to settle down and start a family-hopefully before i'm 50.

the bf has his own business and it has kicked off these past few weeks. we seem to be spending increasing time apart, as most of his clients are located in san diego which is almost 2 hours away from us. our rental contract here is up in the next few months and there has been talk of the bf moving to san diego for work and me staying here because of school. i of course could apply to some schools in the san diego district because the bf and i are pretty settled living together, but i have grown rather fond of my school here. i have also made a lot of connections that i hope will get me in the door with my new major next semester.

we could both stay here and the bf could take the train to work everyday...though i don't know how practical this would be. we currently only have one running car at the moment which proves difficult when the bf needs to spend multiple days in sd and i need the car to get to class.

the bf and i have both confided in our parents for living advice and we have been foretold that living apart would probably not be the best. even my father, the ever so faithful and traditionally devoted christian has come to accept my living situation as pretty solid. but what other choices do we have really when we both constantly need to be in different areas? it's not as if we couldn't make living apart work-people do it all the time. but i know it would be difficult and in the end extremely taxing on our relationship.

who knows what the future will bring!

taken away at - 09:50 p.m.




its a cloudy day ~ Tuesday, January 23, 2007

it has been a long time since such a dark cloud hovered over me as it did sunday night. i found that as the night wore on i became more anxious, guilty, and fearful. unable to sleep i tried to watch television-unable to sit still i tried to sleep again-unable to get the constant worries and other things nagging my brain to go away i got up to try to watch tv again. i was dreading school so much that it filled me with a depression i haven't felt since my mom passed away. but i knew it wasn't really just going back to school that was getting me down.

i think overall i've been feeling way too guilty about my unproductivity over the past few weeks. as my audition looms closer and closer i find that i'm needing more and more time to prepare; time that seems to slip away before i know it. i will be studying under the principle flutist of the pacific symphony which i am excited and nervous about. i'm also singing again which i hope will bring me the joy it used to bring me. overall i stress over little things too much and need to learn to stop being so critical with myself.

my first day of school was practically a waste of time. the instructor never showed up for my first class. i then i had 3 hours to kill before my next class which only meets for about an hour (50 minutes to be precise) which i don't understand. the class is literally only 50 minutes 3 times a week. how do you learn anything adequately in so short amount of time? i then had 4 hours to kill before my music lesson. sigh. why didn't i come up with a better schedule?

i might try finding another job here soon. i know i would hate it once i started but the extra money would do me good.

is it spring break yet?

taken away at - 10:57 p.m.




last day of vacation ~ Sunday, January 21, 2007

i'm bummed. i don't want it to be the last day of break. i wish i had another week off to do absolutely nothing. i can continue to wake up in the middle of the afternoon only to laze around with the cats, snoozing belly-side up in a patch of sunlight. the nights will then be spent up late in front of the computer, the tv, or both, rotting my brain with junk reality shows and lame flash games. who could ask for more to do on vacation?

but maybe my sheer laziness has added to my guilt of how much i didn't put an effort into being productive during my month off. remember my guilt threshold? i definately put off things until the last minute. it probably didn't help that i did almost 3 weeks of traveling, so by the time i got back home i was exhausted and ready to camp in my room for a week.

i've become sadly apathetic. but i try to look at the good side of things: i had plenty of time off to relax and to even travel, which my budget rarely allows me to do these days. i took time off from practicing and being on the computer, which stopped my wrists from aching to the point where it would keep me up at night. i've also been able to avoid the nasty bouts of flu and colds so far this season.

sometimes i really second guess what i'm doing. i feel as if i've taken too much time to "think" about things and now opportunities are slipping through my hands. this sememster will be a true testimony of what i am capable of and motivated to do.

on a totally different subject...would it be insane to attend a concert on a friday, drive up to san francisco with friends on saturday, see another concert by the same band on sunday, and then fly home on monday at 5am to make my 10am class? so far the idea is appealing but i'm not sure if it is too practical.

taken away at - 04:20 p.m.




finally! ~ Friday, January 12, 2007

i finally did it! i finally changed the layout! *throws confetti* it only took me a million years because i've seem to have forgotten basic html...and i also accidentally deleted my past layout so if you look in the archive i have a standard defaulted pitas one. =( oh well.

so here's to starting out 2007 right! and also to giving me more to write about by using the friday five:

How high is your guilt threshold?
well, let's put it this way-i'm always over-analyzing things. did i come across as too defensive? did i get enough done today? why didn't i practice more? is there any way i could shove my foot further down my throat?

How strong is your resistance to sweets?
*looks at the junkfood sitting on her desk* obviously not strong enough. don't even get me started about that special time of month. -__-;;

What is the quickest way to get you hot (you know what we mean!)?
er i think so? i mean, i get really hot when i sleep (i have no control over my body temperature whatsoever). i've been getting hot flashes when i sleep ever since i was a kid and i get them almost every night. so i usually have to wear the minimalist of clothes when i sleep or i'll absolutely die. (is that what we're talking about here?)

How sensitive are you to ambient noise?
i'm overly-sensitive to noise as a whole. many years of music have trained my ears to listen intently to everything around me.

alright my wrist hurts which means that i need to get off this thing. goodnight all!

taken away at - 02:01 a.m.