My Pitas page

end of vacation on Monday, January 8, 2007

i have a brand new layout already made...but my ftp site isn't working. =( neither is the bf's for some weird reason, so i can't upload it to pitas yet. i know i've had this layout forever and i will get the new one up as soon as i can.

i have had a whirlwind of trips throughout the past few weeks: from san diego to san fracisco, santa cruz to humboldt, flagstaff and back home again. i just got in yesturday from the grand canyon and i am exhausted. i have one class that starts tomorrow at the community college (hopefully my last one there) and my main classes at the university begin later this month. i will have to slap myself a few times to get my mind out of the gutter and back into reality. is summer break soon? just kidding. kind of.

i'm looking forward to a new year of success and goals to obtain. i've faced a lot of uphill battles these past few years and so far i have conquered many of them. i can't help but feel that there are many struggles to come but i know with time i will reach the top.

here's to a great 2007!

i need my oasis - 10:35 p.m. comment here!

happy holidays! on Sunday, December 24, 2006

wishing everyone a warm and safe christmas eve/christmas! =)

i need my oasis - 12:55 p.m. comment here!

happy birthday to me... on Sunday, December 17, 2006

=)

i need my oasis - 02:05 p.m. comment here!

i'm done! on Friday, December 15, 2006

*throws confetti in the air*

finals are over! hooray! i can spend the days watching junk tv and playing video games to my heart's content.

of course i should probably use this time to get back in shape...every time i walk up the 3 flights of stairs to the practice rooms at school i'm winded by the time i get to the top. =(

tomorrow the bf and i are going to his mom's to help her decorate for christmas...old friends will be arriving to celebrate the holidays and i'll be adding one more year to the age chart soon. why do i suddenly feel so old?

congrats to everyone else who finished finals and good luck to those who have a few left to take. those who are done with school...i hope you take some time off to relax and enjoy the holidays. =)

i need my oasis - 12:02 a.m. comment here!

winding down on Sunday, December 3, 2006

it's coming to the end of this semester of classes: i just had my performance for my assemble tonight and i have one more week left of school before finals. as we draw to a close i find my mind becoming more or less hazy and out of focus. there is so much to do and get done in the next two weeks and i feel myself becoming more unmotivated as the days go by.

i think i am going to drop one of my classes. i know it sounds insanely stupid to do that at the end of the semester but i'm kind of fed up with the class. i've learned everything that is going to be taught two weeks ago and i'm supposed to do a group project...trouble is no one in my group wants to do it. why is it that whenever i'm in a group i'm always the one that has to take initiative? last week it took me 20 minutes to try to get my group to attention because rather than do the work they rather talk about anime. i finally got fed up and left. the project is only 5% of our grade so i could just show up for the final instead...but i am so over it.

good news and bad news: the bad is that i no longer have a job. the good is that i don't think i need to work anymore for the time being (yay student loans!). the really bad though is after i mention to my temp agency that my job is bs and slow because there is not enough for me to do, the place i'm working at has the galls to say they are letting me go because i was making too many mistakes. for one thing i know i wasn't making "too many mistakes" (if i were why didn't the 2-3 proofreaders catch them? more than that, why didn't they tell me anything about these mistakes ever?) and second i was often told that i was doing a good job on the work...so wtf? were they mad that i called the job "boring"? it's not my fault that they could have trained monkeys do the work if it were legal.

alright, i'm done being bitter. and i'm really trying not to care so much but it's irritating when you know it's not true.

still counting down...

i need my oasis - 08:14 p.m. comment here!

black friday on Friday, November 24, 2006

ahh the day after thanksgiving...the busiest shopping day of the year. i just learned though that black friday does not typically have the highest sales volume-it seems that xmas eve or the last saturday before christmas takes care of this (thanks wikipedia! =P)

there was hardly anyone on the road today as i made my way towards work. sigh. not that i really need to be shopping or that i'm much for crowds and a flurry of sales, but it would have been nice to have another day off. i guess there is always the weekend.

the bf and i had made last minute plans to make thanksgiving dinner the night before after all our family plans fell through. it was the first year that i didn't spend the holiday with family of some sort, and this christmas may very well be precedential also, as we are no longer going to cancun (passport/name change problems) and my family will be off doing other things. i guess i should get used to the idea of having to do holidays without the usual family gatherings everytime. i really am getting old(er).

i need new shoes. but i hate shopping by myself. i also have a problem shopping with other people though because we all seem to clash with our particuliar shopping "styles": i'm the one who will usually eye-ball things in the store until something catches my eye while most of my friends love to dig through every single article of clothing on all the sales racks. its enough to make me go insane, and usually it does. and when you get more than a few of them together...well, we could be in the same store all night. >_<

ok, it's no that bad and i'm trying hard to be more open-minded to the idea of being a solo shopper. it has been difficult though (i miss having my mom as my main shopaholic buddy). i've needed new shoes for the past month and i still haven't gone out to find any. hey, it's a great way to save money, but i can't walk around in open-toed heels forever when the sky is cloudy with a chance of meatballs. xD

i'm looking forward to the weekend...

i need my oasis - 10:18 a.m. comment here!

eesh on Tuesday, November 21, 2006

do you know what's worse than being tired at work? it's being tired with nothing to do to keep you awake.

(-__-) zZZzzZZZz...

i hope everyone has a great thanksgiving and a restful day off. =) happy shopping this weekend!

i need my oasis - 11:17 a.m. comment here!

victorious! on Thursday, November 16, 2006

*holds up her dir en grey tickets* eee! i'm such a fangirl...it is quite sad.

i didn't even know deg was coming back to L.A. until the day before yesturday. i ditched class today so i could sit at home on my computer and be one of the first people to get my grubby paws on some tickets. i expected the show to sell out in record time but i don't know if a lot of people know about the show yet. there are still tickets left!

yesturday i was walking to my apt from the parking lot and when i stepped down from the curb i didn't exactly land correctly. i somehow managed to twist my ankle and fall over onto the ground. after looking up at the sky and cursing the gods for making me so damn clumsy i limped home-only to discover a bunch of workers outside smiling at me and asking if i was ok. well, i guess if anything my pride was a little hurt and my ankle a little bruised but nothing that a little time away from curbs (and wearing heels for that matter) can't heal. i do love wearing heels, though they aren't very practical when i have to walk around campus and stand for hours practicing. i guess i'll just have to buy some new shoes. =D

the bf left me this weekend to visit his relatives so i am solo. what will i do without my redhead? =( i probably have enough things to keep me busy.

the countdown is on until the semester is over!

i need my oasis - 09:28 p.m. comment here!

tuesday: just a watered down version of monday on Tuesday, November 7, 2006

what a day. actually, the day is only about a half hour in and i'm already wishing i were back home buried underneath the covers and shut away from the world for awhile.

how jealous am i when i go to work and on the way out i see two kitties curled up in a patch of sun on the couch together? very.

looking forward to the day's end...

i need my oasis - 09:38 a.m. comment here!

happy halloween! on Tuesday, October 31, 2006

i haven't really been feeling halloween much it seems. my friend begged me to go out with her this past weekend but i didn't feel much like having to go out and find a costume or spend the night crowded in a room with overly-loud music. funny how a few years ago i lived for the night i could dress up and go to parties until the wee hours. am i really getting old?

right now i am at work, counting down the hours until the end of the day. while i don't have much planned for this halloween we are handing out candy, and i'm planning to cuddle up with the kitties and watch scary movies with the bf and roomies. we're giving out the good candy too, not thoes small, dinky-sized candybars. i'm sure the kid's dentist's will hate us. =P

happy halloween!

i need my oasis - 10:42 a.m. comment here!

presenting... on Sunday, October 15, 2006

HYDE! conveniently called my little "haido-chan". ^_^ named after hyde from "that 70s show" (he tends to have this "i just got high" look on his face LOL) and hideto takarai (also known as hyde, one of my fave jrockers). it took awhile for the bf and i to agree on a name we liked but it was finally accomplished. we actually got this little critter two weeks ago and the transition for him was a little rough but he is doing much better now. he has such a personality!

unfortunately kitty #1 (antonio) hasn't been all too thrilled with having someone share his territory. i guess it gets a bit annoying having a kitten bothering you 24/7 when are in the "adult" stages of your life. i thought a companion would be great for antonio (and keep him from attacking/biting the crap out of us) which he has stopped doing but he also seems to be more stand off-ish towards us owners. i'm hoping he'll come back around soon.

school and work are kicking my ass. i'm literally counting down the days until the end of the semester when i can stop working and concentrate on school more. i live for the weekends where all i want to do is curl up on the couch with the two furballs. we had our first rain of the fall last night which is always bittersweet to me-i love the fall yet i'll miss the lazy days of summer.

i can't wait for the holidays!

i need my oasis - 12:20 a.m. comment here!

just another day... on Sunday, September 24, 2006

so, i haven't really been updating much lately because there hasn't really been anything real exciting or interesting going on. besides that i rarely have time to sit around online and update this thing, much less catch up on all the blogs i frequently read. my days and nights are spent at school and work, and even on the weekends i find myself forcing myself to go to school so i can keep up on my music.

speaking of music...i often find that in this area of study there are a lot of snobs. it's very rare to have a class without a music snob/know it all. in my theory class one of the students had the audacity to call out the teacher on a "mistake" he made. and it wasn't as if she had accidently made a mistake herself and just didn't know-she was so certain she was correct that she practically yelled at the instructor. of course she was found out to be wrong (give the guy credit for teaching theory for 20+ years) and quieted down right away. if only someone could put her in her place all the time.

but i guess if you really think about it you can find "snobs" in almost any study of interest. and of course you can get some awesome and extremly talented individuals. =)

enough of my ranting. the summer seems to almost officially have come to an end...i'll start mourning when the first rain hits. but i do love a good rain, except when i have to drive in it. the smell of fall is in the air and the nights are getting cooler. i can hear the bf yelling profanities at the tv and i know football season is once again here. it is quite entertaining watching how animated the bf gets when his patriot's play (unless you fall asleep on his shoulder and are scared awake when he jumps up and yells).

i am also looking forward to the holidays! i know i tend to get a bit heavy-hearted around this time of year but i am going to try my best to stay upbeat. and each year it gets just a teensy bit easier to carry on. this season there is a lot to look forward to.

until next time!

i need my oasis - 09:12 p.m. comment here!

september 11 on Monday, September 11, 2006

today is the day. can you believe it has been 5 years already? so much has happened and changed in the world since then. i looked back in the archives of my journal and thought i would post up some of my thoughts on that day:

i'm still a bit shaken up about everything. I'm also worried, sad, confused, angry, and afraid. my brother's friend called me around 7:30am yesturday morning and woke me up. he told me that he didn't want to get me scared but we had just been terrorized. i was still on my cloud of sleep and didn't quite understand, i thought he was saying that he and his family had personally been terrorized. i then gave the phone to my brother and turned on the radio. instead of the regular morning shows everyone was talking about what had happened. i couldn't believe it. and once i heard everything my heart froze.

my mailbox is jammed full with about 300 emails.(sidenote: i used to be on mass emailing lists about different topics, mostly korean groups i was into at the time.) i'm getting about 200 a day, everyone is talking about what happened. i'm getting emails from people who saw what happened in person, who have friends that worked in the WTC building, and one who's dad was on one of the flights that crashed. it's horrible, absolutely devastating what has happened. part of me still finds it hard to believe.

i watched the news all day and most of the night. when i saw the second plane crash into the building i thought, "this is just like a movie." only it was real. the fear those people must have felt is so unimaginable; it hurts inside just thinking about it.

i saw on the news names of passengers from the flights, with ages and locations of where they live. irvine, huntington beach, whittier, torrance...places i live next to or near by. i'm scared i might know someone on those flights back to LA, or that i have friends who have loved ones on those flights. i worry about my parents who are still on vacation, how and when will they be able to come home? (not that they wouldn't mind spending a few extra days in cancun.)

the campus was a little gloomy today, and quieter than usual. i think the whole situation was laying heavy on everyone's minds.

i'm wondering how america will cope after this horrific day...

it's interesting to go back into the past and see what thoughts were running through my mind. so far today has been pretty eventless and i wonder if anyone else has taken special note of this day.

i need my oasis - 02:39 p.m. comment here!

lazy sunday on Sunday, August 27, 2006

i swear, i'm putting up a new layout. soon. does anyone get tired of seeing the same thing everytime they come to this site?

the first week of school has passed and i'm already burnt out. i took thursday off from work because i woke up with the worst stomach ache. i left for my only class in the evening and it took me an hour and a half to go the fifteen miles it takes to get to school. traffic here is starting to get insane. needless to say i was relieved when the weekend came.

my schedule this semester will hopefully not be too hectic. i'm in the process of changing my major so i'm running between two schools so i can get a headstart on my new major while i'm waiting to transfer. i'm also still working which sucks a big one but my financial aid got a bit messed up so i won't be able to rely on that this semester. i am also starting japanese which i am really excited about. i've always wanted to learn but have kept putting it off for other things. but no more! i will make it to japan before you know it! =D

anyway, chocolate strawberries sound really good right now. xD

i need my oasis - 12:19 p.m. comment here!

happy hump day on Wednesday, August 16, 2006

i got to spend my monday at the happiest place on earth and the day couldn't have been better. nine of us got up early and were at disneyland right when it opened. we rushed to all the favorite rides that we were sure would be long with lines as the day went by. but surprisingly the park wasn't overly crowded and we were through most of the rides by early afternoon. we plowed on and by the end of the night we were exhausted and ready to go home. i've forgotton how much i love that place. the bf and i are even going to get season passes as our xmas presents to each other. =)

here it is wednesday and i still feel as if i'm trying to catch up. i'm insanely tired today and drinking this sludge they call coffee from the cafeteria. i'm even waking up earlier just so i can take a quick half hour nap before i go into work. is that really sad? school starts next week, and that is when the real grind will begin. but i'd rather be at school than working fulltime behind a desk. i think i'm starting to get over this job, but i will keep it for as long as i can.

in other news-i think i'm going to be adding another addition to the family in a couple months. my friend's cat just had kittens and there is a possibility i might be adopting one from her. i have a couple months to think about it, and the roomies seem to be ok with another furry creature running around so we will wait and see!

i guess i should ~~start~~ get back to working. the weekend can't come soon enough.

i need my oasis - 09:17 a.m. comment here!

i hate mondays on Monday, August 7, 2006

someone shoot me.

i need my oasis - 10:30 a.m. comment here!

(-__-) zZzZz... on Monday, July 31, 2006

good god.

i'm bored. so fuckin' bored.

i actually opened this browser and closed it a few times, telling myself i was not going to make a habit of blogging at work.

but now i'm almost at the point of desperation because i am so bloody bored.

mondays are always slow. but if i knew beforehand that all i would be doing is staring at my computer for the whole day i would have made more of an effort to get out of work.

but i guess i shouldn't really complain because i need the money and what better way to earn it than by sitting around doing nothing?

i'm exhausted. the weekends are way too short.

on a totally different topic i had the best sushi of my life last week. the rolls were small enough for me to not have to take two bites (breaking the rule yes i know), and it was light enough to almost melt in my mouth. i hate sushi that is so loaded down with rice and crap that is lays heavy in my stomach after i eat it. so now i am tainted for life because i fear i will not find sushi that good unless i go to japan. i've become a sushi snob. damn you sushi for being so good and too expensive for my poor college income. T_T

i guess i'll get back to ~~websurfing~~ working.

i need my oasis - 12:58 p.m. comment here!

days of long ago on Sunday, July 23, 2006

i was just about to turn into bed. even though i am up early during the week to go to work i find that my body is still in nocturnal mode; given the chance i will find myself awake until well into the early hours of the morning. i have nothing to wake up particularily early for tomorrow so i'm not really looking to force myself to try to sleep anytime soon. even so, i decided to maybe give sleep a try and headed into the bedroom. but instead of hopping into bed i went into the closet and pulled out some boxes full of letters i had packed away.

it has been a long time since i've actually written a letter on paper to anyone, much less mailed anything out besides a re-ocurring bill. but a few years ago i was writing madly to more than a few people, and i have the boxes full of replies to prove it. i've found that i no longer know what to do with all these letters, but am very torn to part with them. i no longer read them or even think much of them because i usually keep them stowed away, yet their presense still comforts me and reminds me of days long passed.

i have one box dedicated to a particular individual that i have long lost contact with. we used to write madly to each other and i had endless amounts of stationary at hand to keep the flow of communication strong. just recently i gave all my stationary to my friend because i no longer have a use for it. i quickly scanned through a few letters and glanced at the years they were written: 2000, 2002...many years ago that almost feel like centuries. how things have changed since then!

the letters have a certain scent to them. i'm instantly reminded of when i lived at home and just started college. i can close my eyes and think back to the day i got a certain letter and started writing back in the many different colored gel pens i kept. it brought me such joy to receive something someone put so much time into writing and sending out-and it was satisfying to be able to provide the same effort back.

as time has gone by and many different priorities take over my life, contact with my penpals has diminished. some of the contacts were broken off suddenly and abrubtly, while others were strained to keep alive, but only in a vain effort. i do miss writing to people, but have found that writing my thoughts down on paper to another individual has lost its charm that it had several years back. but who knows, maybe one of these days i'll be eager to find a new friend in a new place who will share their world with me.

getting back to reality here...it seems that the concert list of bands/artists to see never ends. next up is AFI in september. it should be a great concert. but before that is a trip to disneyland next month! i am really excited, i haven't been to the magical kingdom since i was a little kid. its too bad that they charge an arm and a leg to get in these days though. =O 60 bucks for a 1-day passport?!

i love weekends, especially when i'm on break from school. time is running short on that though, and i find myself struggling to keep up with my music when i rather be lounging around in the sun. i need to stay motivated and focused, and this week i promised myself i would be at school everyday after work to practice.

on an ending note i would just like to say that oldschool dir en grey rocks the socks-cage is still one of my favorite songs ever by them. =)

i need my oasis - 03:52 a.m. comment here!

hydeism on Saturday, July 8, 2006

s.f. was amazing-i got to meet up with old friends and even meet some new ones. it was a whirlwind trip that only lasted a few days, and even though i am sick and sunburned it was all worth it.

hyde was totally flawless in person and he did an awesome job performing. we made it to the venue around 9 am i believe, and prepared for a long day of sitting around until we would be let inside, which wasn't until 8 pm. the only thing that bothered me was even though i got in first (i had seating tickets) i found out that you didn't have to stay in the seated area and could go down to the floor. what sucked was that they made me wait 10 minutes before i could go down and my friends were already up front, so i should have just stayed in line with them. but i guess i can't really complain because i got pretty near the front and right behind my friends.

let me tell you that wearing heels will totally give you a plus when trying to see over everyone. you just might have to put up with extremely sore feet as the night goes on. of course i had to get behind the only other giant in the place. -__- but i moved more toward the middle of the stage and had a perfect view of hyde. what i wasn't so crazy about was the girl in front of me jumping up and down and stomping on my feet. if you're going to jump around at least learn to do it in place. so, is wearing heels a good idea? probably not, because i had to take them off to walk back to the car.

so, by the end of the concert my feet were absolutely killing me. i guess it didn't help that i had to walk all over bumblefuck to find an open bathroom while we were outside waiting. the closest bathroom was at a starbucks a few blocks away, but some genius decided to leave the key inside and there was no spare to use. and so began the hunt of trying to find an available bathroom to use (s.f. does not have open, public bathrooms, probably because of the massive amount of homeless people there). i finally found one at the public library a few more blocks down. oi.

anyway, i'm done complaining. the experience was one in itself and one i will never forget. let's hope that hyde will come to the states again!

i went to work yesturday and decided to work overtime, which probably did me in. now i think i've caught a mild version of the flu, probably because i pushed myself too hard on too little rest. but it was worth it! now it is back to reality and getting into the grind of work and soon school. next trip...cancun in december! =D

i need my oasis - 12:15 p.m. comment here!

happy 4th of july!! on Tuesday, July 4, 2006

i hope everyone has a great and safe holiday! july 4th was one of my favorite holidays as a kid. there were parades to watch, festivities to take part in, and fireworks to end the night. times have changed but i there is always a little kid in me that wants to come out on this day.

i will be in the bay area for the next few days. see you next week!

i need my oasis - 01:57 p.m. comment here!

another sleepless night on Thursday, June 22, 2006

3 am and i can't sleep. my mind is racing and as much as i wish i could rest and just sleep i can't seem to put myself at ease. work is in 6 hours but right now that is the least of my worries...

it never fails me to get all wrapped up in my emotions when someone asks me about my mom. every once in awhile i'll mention something about her-"oh, my mom used to do this." or "i remember when my mom did this." etc. small sayings in passing, and things that i try not to blink an eye at, and usually don't if i can help it. but when it comes down to getting more in depth, well...that's when my barrier usually starts to crumble.

whenever i meet someone new (ie new employees) it never fails me to get all wound up when they ask me about my family, specifically my parents. the dreaded question always comes when i don't at first mention my mom-because i don't know how to get around to saying that my mom is dead unless asked. dead is such a horrible word though. i always say that my mom has "passed away" and sometimes people will refer to her as "dead" and it always makes me wince. i met a new girl at my work today and we went over the whole intro babble and what not. then we talked about our families and of course she was interested in what happened to my mom and how she passed away. though her eyes told me she was remorseful i tried to keep upbeat and relaxed about the whole situation-even though my chest always tightens and i can feel the lump forming in the back of my throat when i talk about how sick my mom got and how i basically watched her slowly die in front of my eyes. it was all i could do to keep my voice steady as i fumbled around for words to finish the subject matter.

almost four years have passed and yet i still can't talk about it. why is it so difficult? i always thought that with the passage of time came the coming of healing and renewel. there has definately been healing and plenty of renewel...but i think i fail to realize that the passge of time does not always take away absense and loss.

i think about my mom every single day. when i talk about events of the past i find that i think about her even more-to the point where i can't stop thinking about what happened and what could have been. and then i am stuck wandering aimlessly around during early morning hours, unable to rest because my mind is racing too fast with feelings of pain and regret that i have long burried and hoped would not be dug out again.

my wrists hurts. the combination of working on a computer + playing piano/flute have really taken a toll on my hands. i have refrained myself from running to my computer when i get home to give my hands a rest and i find myself searching for things to do. could i really be such a computer junkie that i've blinded myself to other things of priority (such as the laundry pile growing massively in the corner, the bathroom that needs to be scrubbed, the kitty that wants just one more treat, the books that sit there waiting to be read...the list goes on)? perhaps, but this morning at 3:35 AM i have kept myself away from a typing source long enough-my thoughts needed to be written down and organized so as to (hopefully) help me clear my conscience of a few things. maybe now my mind can finally be at ease for the rest of the early morning.

i need my oasis - 03:48 a.m. comment here!

disturbing!!! on Thursday, June 15, 2006

at my new job i have been juggling places to sit because my manager hasn't seemed to have found me a permanent place to work yet. So whenever someone has the day off or whatever i take their spot and work there for the day. today i was put at this one guy's desk and all was cool. except he had all these magazines and his radio going and i'm sitting there wondering if he ever gets any work done during the day between reading his magazines, going online, listening to music, and posting naked pictures of himself up.

yes you heard me right. naked pictures. who the hell does that? i mean, who puts indecent pictures of themselves (or anyone else for that matter, let's not even get into his stash of porn) on a public computer in a workplace? yes, i was snooping a bit, but that was because i had finished all my work and everyone in my department had suddenly dissapeared for the last two hours i was there. what else did i have to do? i can only sit there and twiddle my thumbs for so long.

and you know what, it's not like he's a bad looking guy or anything, but still-that's just nasty. leave that shit at home for your girlfriend or the dirty hoes you send send the pictures to. the images aren't even hidden or cleverly put anywhere-they were in his my documents folder, for all to see. ok, maybe not all to see unless they opened that folder, but this is besides the point. you just don't put that kind of stuff on your work computer. i don't even check my personal mail or myspace or anything like that when i'm at work. if i go online i stick to generic sites like cnn.com or fark.com. you just don't know what kind of nosey fucker will get up in your business...like me. xD

anyway, i'm pretty much over it. whatever gets him off is his business, and if he ever gets caught it is his own fault. it will be interesting if that day ever comes.

i need my oasis - 01:04 a.m. comment here!

what it is on Wednesday, June 7, 2006

updating has been slow as not too much has been going on. i have a new job that i started today and so far i have enjoyed it and been learning quickly. here's to hoping for a more solid position in the coming months.

i get to take care of my dad's bratty (but cute) little mutt and housesit for him for the rest of this week. what am i going to do all by myself in a retirement community?

other than working my plans for the summer are to practice music and to work on my tan. and to get my lazy ass in shape. the countdown is on for july 5th when i trek on up to san francisco to see my friends and hyde. i can't wait! my only little vacation until christmas.

i wish everyone the best of luck on their finals who are still in school and hope everyone else is enjoying their summer. until next time, when hopefully something more interesting to talk about happens!

i need my oasis - 12:17 a.m. comment here!

hmm... on Monday, May 22, 2006

it's almost summer (officially) and it is raining...no scratch that, it is pouring. this is really odd. and it's supposed to be sunny from then on. what a random day to rain...yay for our depleted ozone layer and messed up weather system!

finals are done after this week, yeah!

i need my oasis - 02:18 a.m. comment here!

yay! on Wednesday, May 10, 2006

my cat came home last night! ^_^

i couldn't believe it, i thought he was gone for good. i didn't know that cats tend to get lost when they are moved to different areas, but we have moved twice before and he never had that problem. oh well, i am learning about cat tendencies every day and i am glad he is home. he is extremely skinny though, he probably hadn't eaten the whole time was gone. the bf will take him to the vet tomorrow because we think he has a cold and he needs a flea dip. yay to having my child back! xD

anyway, guess where i am again. i can' t seem to motivate myself to study much anymore, so when i have lulls between classes i find myself looking at junk on the web rather than doing my homework. there are only two weeks left after this week, and then i am free! it has been misting every morning lately which is really odd for cali weather during the summer. but the sun finally came out a couple days ago and i can't wait to start laying out by the pool.

i have made a decision to change my major back to music, but this is on the basis that i practice every single day this summer. if i can keep myself dedicated and motivated i will know that i am heading in the direction of something i really want to do. wish me luck!

bleh, i feel kind of sick. 0.o maybe i shouldn't have had that coffee...

i need my oasis - 06:16 p.m. comment here!

i'm still here... on Monday, May 8, 2006

i just haven't really felt like updating lately. i've actually been keeping pretty busy and i'm almost done playing catch up with school-even though school is over in two weeks. =O

right now i am at the lab at my school and i'm having flashbacks to the days at my old college where i would spend hours in front of their computers updating this thing. it feels somewhat surreal to be doing that again. i'll try to keep the crap i write to a minimun though. xD

my kitty is gone. =O last wednesday he went out at night and i didn't really think anything of it, because he can spend all night outside and will always come home in the morning. not this morning though, he was nowhere to be seen. we have posted flyers and everything, but i think someone either took him thinking he was a stray (he had recently broken his collar for the bazillionth time and i hadn't replaced it yet) or he got eaten by something. =O i'm trying not to think of the latter though. he was such a friendly cat i'm sure someone ran across him and thought he would make a good pet. sucks for me though, i feel like i've lost my second child. -__- it seems kind of silly sometimes when i think of how upset it makes me because, afterall, he is just a cat. i was really attached to that little critter though; still am. the bf and i are already thinking of getting another cat and it makes me feel guilty that i would replace him so soon. or is that silly too?

i'm trying to resist the urge to check my myspace because i don't want to look like a total nerd. look at me! on myspace! woo!

i wish i had known sooner that hyde was performing in hollywood...but i can't really complain because i get to see my wonderful niiku-chan and meet toki! oh, and i get to see hyde perform too, at the very least. =D

and that's about it. it's time to meet with my group to work on our final project for an asian american studies class. yay school!

i need my oasis - 04:02 p.m. comment here!

i'm here... on Thursday, April 20, 2006

barely.

i'm working like a mad woman because my position that i thought was solid turns out to only be temporary. i'm trying to rack up as many hours as i can, while at the same time playing catch up with school work amidst all the large boxes of things waiting to be unpacked sitting in my room. i have only been working for three days and i am already burnt out with everything i've done/need to get done. and whoever came up with the lovely idea of starting work at 6 am needs to be shot.

anyway, i love my new place and have made a great transition from the move otherwise. the kitty is still getting used to the new enviroment though, poor thing. he must feel like the kid that has to keep switching schools.

yikes! i have to be up in four hours! time sure flies when you don't quite want it to. -__-

i need my oasis - 11:55 p.m. comment here!

victory!! on Sunday, April 9, 2006

*holds up her hyde ticket* i was up at 7 AM to get this sucker! =D

well, there are good things and bad things to this: the good is of course i get to see hyde in all his glory and meet toki who i have known forever and a day and her man. the sad thing is that abby was unable to get tickets. T_T i knew i should have bought an extra one just in case! i probably would have just given it away too if no one wanted to claim it. the other sucky thing is the only seating left was in the dining area-which is more expensive than the general seating because, well, you're seated and they serve you food. that food better be worth the extra $30 i paid. 0.o

but alas, i get to see my haido-chan and to have that experience i would pay everything ten-fold. it just kind of sucks that i have to sit by myself. but i know i will enjoy myself no matter what, and maybe being in the "seated" area i won't get clobbered by everyone and their mama. here's to hoping!

i so reluctantly did my homework today because i think my mind still thinks it's on "springbreak". even packing all my crap to move sounds more appealing than studying transmission genetics or psych statistics. it doesn't help that the days are getting longer and warmer also; summer always makes me giddy. i am such a california girl.

7 more weeks until freedom...

i need my oasis - 10:25 p.m. comment here!

moving time! on Tuesday, April 4, 2006

we are finally moving out of moo-town and back into the suburbia that is the OC. we will be closer to school and (for the bf) work! woo hoo! but that means i have to go back to work. boo!

we will be right across the street from a shopping plaza which will be pretty sweet, and there will be sidewalks! here is boonie-ville the closest shopping area is miles away and there are no sidewalks here. =O it makes it kind of hard to go running, for fear of being run over by a tractor or car of some sort. i can finally get my fat-ass back into shape. also, everything here closes at 10 pm. wtf? bring me back my 24-hour supermarkets!

i have enjoyed myself here though. it's relaxing and peaceful, though the commute to school kills me and the bf. my kitty will miss it here too, he has been on mole-patrol and leaves surprises on out doorstep daily. he also has the whole outdoors as his litterbox, which i am all for. but once we move back to concrete and street he will probably be using it more daily, which is sucky for me. oh well, it's all worth it though right?

in a past entry i wrote about all these singers/groups that i wanted to see, not really thinking that any of them would make it to the u.s. anytime soon. but low and behold, hyde is going to be in san francisco in july! *falls over* would it be silly to fly up to san francisco for one day and then fly home the night after? lol i will have to wait and see.

spring break is over and i spent it entirely at home couped up in my room. i think i'm finally getting better though, but my voice tells me otherwise-i sound like a pubescent, 12-year old boy! damn it. =( i guess it's back to studying i go.

i need my oasis - 01:00 p.m. comment here!

doo bi doo... on Friday, March 31, 2006

you know, i should really change the layout on this thing. i think i've had this current layout up for almost a year. i used to change the layout on here at least once a month, sometimes twice! but it seems my patience for html is gone and i make do with what i have.

is it really that important to change things so much though? isn't the reason why people come to this site is to read my meaningful, thought-provoking (possibly) tear-jerking entries?

*sigh* i know. i tend to live in dreamland a lot. even i judge a book by it's cover and will often pass up the sites that don't get my attention by their layout immediately. and i can not stand when a site is jumbled together half-hazardly or if there are a billion flashy, cutesy, make's-me-want-to-tear-my-eyes-out, images that take five million years to load and usually just make the page crash. i mean, we need to draw the line somewhere right?

oops, i just started rambling about something pretty meaningless. the real intention of this entry was to...well, now that i think of it i'm not really sure what it was. =O

i did clean up my links though, if anyone cares. actually, you probably can't even tell that i changed anything.

new layout to come out soon! maybe in the next two, or three months? who knows.

i need my oasis - 03:22 p.m. comment here!

damn on Tuesday, March 28, 2006

so because i was screaming my lungs out at the dir en grey concert i am left with extremely swollen tonsils. =( damn, why didn't i get these things taken out as a kid? i've also been feeling kind of achy, maybe i overdid it a tad bit this weekend. yay to spending springbreak in bed! =(

and it's raining. ahh rain, how you make me want to snuggle down and burry my head under the covers. seriously, who really wants to get out of bed when it is cold and rainy out? surely not i.

don't you hate when you have a cat that takes up your side of the bed and you try to push him over but he's actually heavy (12 pounder) and doesn't want to move so he just stares at you as you try to shove him over and then you lay down and every ten seconds he is waking you up by shoving his paws in your face? yeah, i know, it's annoying huh? -___-;

well, because i didn't want to keep the bf up with my hacking i am sitting in the office fiddling on the computer. i need to find something better to do with my spare time. crocheting? playing cards? making cookies? oooh cookies...*wanders off*

eh, i'm not really going to make cookies. =P

i need my oasis - 04:54 a.m. comment here!

=) on Friday, March 24, 2006

my life is complete. =)

well, maybe not exactly complete. i still need to see gackuto-san.

and l'arc en ciel.

and hyde for that matter.

and lets not even get into kpop and cpop.

hmm...i guess i have a ways to go. but one of these days i will see them all!

the dir en grey concert was incredible...well worth watiting in line over 8 hours for! 0.o a few friends from the bay area even drove the long way down to attend the concert. i was surprised and pleased with the diversity of the crowd, with the majority of the fans being caucasian! it goes to show you that music isn't always about understanding the language but simply appreciating the music and culture it comes from.

my friends and i managed to get in the front of the second tier of the theatre but everyone was pushing the shit out of everyone, trying in any way to get closer to the stage. several times i worried about either dying a slow, suffocating death, or having a heart attack because everyone was pushing against me so hard. then this jackass HAD to be in front of me, though i finally managed to nudge my way next to him, which he was not happy about. he kept trying to push me back and after a few songs of pushing against him and the rest of the crowd i had had enough and moved back. too bad kyo is only about five foot zero inches so my view was pretty obscured for the rest of the concert.

all in all it was a great time with good friends whom i haven't seen in years. zeid got to see his totchi-ho, abby got to see her kaoru-chan and i got to see my crazy and psychotic kyo-kun (what was with the razor??!!). who could ask for more?

well the weekend is just beginning and though i'm exhausted and almost voiceless-from screaming my brains out the night before i'm ready to get my spring break started!

i need my oasis - 10:49 a.m. comment here!

deathspace? on Tuesday, March 21, 2006

everyone pretty much knows about the ever-so-popular myspace: but has everyone heard of deathspace? its a revision to myspace that includes all the profiles of people who have died, mostly from fatal accidents it seems. anyone who knows me well enough probably realizes that i have a morbid facination with death-forensic psychology anyone?

the bf has been away for almost ten days now, having the time of his life on the east coast with his relatives. i miss him like crazy but it has been nice having the car all to myself. =P on wednesday my car freedom ends though, and it's back to compromise as we both have to give and take when we decide who gets the car to go where. oh well, it will be good to have the redhead back. xD

the dir en grey concert is on thursday! and i'm seeing antiflag on saturday. =D next week is my spring break! so far i have nothing huge planned, besides heading to my old stomping grounds in san diego to hang out with the (ex) roomies for the weekend. as for the rest of the week...i guess that is just up to fate.

i do wish i could go to disneyland though. anyone have 60$ to spare? =*(

i need my oasis - 01:48 a.m. comment here!

-insert fangirl scream here- on Thursday, March 2, 2006

i'm seeing dir en grey!!!

*beams*

ok i'm done.

i need my oasis - 03:21 p.m. comment here!

random update on Wednesday, February 8, 2006

not much has been going on since my last post, except the fact that i started school two weeks ago-and so far i am loving it! isn't that weird? i love school. well, i don't really love, LOVE it, but i definately appreciate the education process more than i did three years ago. it's funny what time and experiences can do to turn your outlook around on things.

it's funny because the few months leading up to school i had so many dreams about all my fears and anticipations: being late to class, not being motivated, getting bad grades, hating the students, etc. it kind of made me queasy because i had the dreams so often that i was afraid of them actually coming true.

the first day i stepped onto campus my stomach was filled with butterflies-it was like the first day of highschool all over again. soon the butterflies were replaced feelings of excitement and satisfaction-excited to be in a new enviroment with new paths to walk on, and satisfied with obtaining my goal of going back to school. it has been harder for me to move on than most people know about.

my only issue with my classes is the "homeboy" instructor i have for my asian american studies. i think he's a year older than me and he has the most arrogance i've ever seen in any instructor. it must be his short stature (i know, i'm mean) plus he has these huge *bling* diamond stud earrings and wears pink shirts. pink shirts. come on now. =O he's either screaming "I'M GAY!!!" or he's trying to pull the "i'm-so-manly-man-i-can-pull-off-this-pink-shirt-and-still-look-manly" routine. i haven't decided yet.

other than that things have been great. the bf's birthday was last weekend and we partied it away. =P mostly meaning that we did the family thing and then spent quality time with some friends. our hardcore partying days seem to be far behind us-actually i don't ever remember being a "partier" and the bf had his fair share for our last friend's bday. =P so really, i'm the only old fogie (party pooper, loner, loser, whatever) here.

the only thing that has been draining me (and the bf) is the hour commute to school (and don't forget about the hour back. yay school!). right now has been especially bad because of the brush fires going on in northern orange county (now you all know where i live! AAHHHH!). the sky has that eery orange glow that i remember oh so not fondly from the fires in san diego a couple years ago. this was supposed to be a "contained" forrest fire too. really, who ever came up with the idea of starting fires intentionally? especially in the dessert areas of california? while we are having santa ana winds? its like banging your head against a wall sometimes.

wow, this entry turned out longer than i thought it would. i'm so good.

shaddup. =P

i need my oasis - 01:11 a.m. comment here!

shameless plug on Friday, January 20, 2006

[start extreme fangirl moment]
i'm rummaging around this page and i found some pretty cool videos...especially of my beloved gackt. =P here are a couple of them:

gackt playing the shamisen - pretty cool! gave me goosebumps when i listend to it

gackt laughing - he's on this show called HEYx3 and he plays a game with one of the hosts to see who can laugh the least. i've never seen him laugh or smile so much!
[/end extreme fangirl moment]

i need my oasis - 01:20 a.m. comment here!

south park! on Thursday, January 12, 2006

ME! does it look close enough? =P

and of course, my lovebug. he does love his guns. xD

you can make your own character here.

not too much has been going on around here. the bf started school this week and without him (or the car) i've found myself bumming it for the most part. i actually can't wait until i start school at the end of the month. yay school! =P

i kind of made some half-assed new years resolutions-i say "half-assed" only because i don't want to make myself too dissapointed ~~when~~ if i don't achieve them. =O anyway, here they are for anyone who is interested:

1. stop comparing msyelf to others and their accomplishments (this could be a tough one)
2. stay motivated (even tougher)
3. stop being such a pessimist and thus become more optimistic (sigh...)

i could actually add twenty or more things to the list but why make things so complicated? three should be good enough.

hooray for a new year. ^__^

i need my oasis - 07:21 p.m. comment here!

i'm home! on Sunday, January 1, 2006

it has been a long week, and at last the holidays have come to an end. happy new years! i drank a glass of champagne and sat at the computer. =P no life you say? well, i'm exhausted from being on the east coast and not seeing the sun for a week. our (the bf and i) vactation was extended due to a loved one passing away and while things were somber and extremely hectic everything seemed to go smoothly. all in all i had a great time and am glad i got to meet the bf's relatives. we decided that we were not up to making the trek to san francisco, but maybe this summer? keep your fingers crossed!

i thought with the 3-hour difference i would come home and be snoring away before midnight hit. but that's silly because here it is 3:30 am and i can't sleep. sigh. back to my old ways it seems. maybe i've become too dependent on nyquil to knock me out.

anyway...i have nothing else to say. =/

i need my oasis - 03:22 a.m. comment here!

happy holidays! on Thursday, December 22, 2005

i hope everyone has a great and safe christmas! i will be on the eastcoast for a few days and then babysitting my dad's dog when i get back. then, i will be heading to san francisco for new years. so have a wonderful new year's too, in case i don't get back to this by then.

see you then!

i need my oasis - 12:21 p.m. comment here!

dissapointment on Friday, December 16, 2005

i have a deep love and passion for japanese culture and history, especially of the early 1700s when geisha first made their prominent presense. i found out a few years ago that one of my favorite novels, memoirs of a geisha was being made into a movie. when i finally saw the trailor i was deeply dissapointed; not only is the book not portrayed right in any way, but the sheer essense of what a real geisha is isn't portrayed. instead, it is butchered to fit "americanized" standards of hollywood filming.

i don't think i can explain it any better than was done here.

i think overall my personal dissapointment was the choice of chinese actors who weren't picked necessarily because of their superb acting skills, but because they have been made popular by the imported/martial art/asian films (i.e. crouching tiger, hidden dragon, the joyluck club, etc). once again, it proves the film was made to appeal largely to american audiences.

what has happened to the asian culture? =(

i need my oasis - 12:33 a.m. comment here!

delve into the unknown with me on Tuesday, December 13, 2005

while reading the endless mass of journals i fanatically follow i came across a link to a book by scott adams (maker of the comic strip dilbert) called God's Debris. it is actually free in pdf format which you can download here. for those of you who are interested in a different point of view of religion you might find it enjoyable. here is the synopsis:

Imagine that you meet a very old man who you eventually realize knows literally everything. Imagine that he explains for you the great mysteries of life: quantum physics, evolution, God, gravity, light, psychic phenomenon, and probability � in a way so simple, so novel, and so compelling that it all fits together and makes perfect sense. What does it feel like to suddenly understand everything? God's Debris isn�t the final answer to the Big Questions, but it might be the most compelling vision of reality you will ever read.

i haven't finished it yet but i look forward to it. on another subject, my birthday is in 4 days. go me. =)

i need my oasis - 09:20 p.m. comment here!

a holiday reflection on Sunday, December 4, 2005

i actually fell asleep early tonight (early meaning around 11 pm) but i found myself fully awake a few hours later. =( these late-night "naps" are always sneaking up on me...

so, what better time than now for another late-night entry? that's what i'm saying! i guess i should write about what is really on my mind and has been since the start of last month. please bear with me awhile. *holds out cookies for anyone willing to read beyond this point*

i have such a love-hate relationship with christmas and holidays in general. these past few years have been especially difficult, but i've realized that my moodiness is deep-rooted and has been ever since i can remember. maybe i'm not getting enough sunlight to regulate my biological clock (seasonal depression) or maybe my neurotransmitters (such as seratonin) are wacked out a little more than average. who really knows? all i know is that i always end up extremly dissapointed in all the effort put into one measly day. why is it that only one day (and a few more if you count other holidays) is focused on giving and sharing? why is it that there is only one time of year to be merry and happy? i guess a little world peace is too much to ask for.

maybe i'm expecting too much; maybe it's just me letting myself become so dissapointed. maybe i just need to let go a little and enjoy the time spent with others. i'm sure it is all of the above. i'm probably making a bigger deal about things that i need to.

i guess what really gets to me is that while i'm dreading and hating this time of year i am so drawn to it-commercialism is the short, little black dress that i'm forbidden to wear. i scour the t.v. for christmas programs, i find my eyes glued to the houses decked out in lights, and if i had the money i'm sure i would be out buying christmas presents for everyone and enjoying every minute of it. this year will be a first for me to actually have a "white christmas" and i think i might actually be looking forward to it. but what i'm really looking forward to is not having to spend another awkward holiday with the family that doesn't know how to be "family" anymore-instead, i can be awkward with complete strangers that i might actually become related to in the future (the bf's relatives). oh joy!

an old friend of mine told me that i'm probably not over the fact that my family will never be together again; that all the traditions and customs i've grown up with in the past are gone and probably will never be seen again. he said that it has come time for me to make my own traditions that i will be able to share with my own family. i need to do things for myself to make myself happy for once, basically. he is one hundred percent right, though it sounds easier to do that it actually is. i guess i have to try though, no harm in doing that.

it's been a long time since i've prayed. i don't consider myself a very religious person but i grew up in a very strong, christian family. i used to pray several times a day out of habit, but when i moved out of home i found myself not doing it anymore. in fact, it feels somewhat strange when i go home and pray over meals with my family, something i used to do practically since the day i was born. anyway, i'm straying off topic-i've been praying for a safe, happy holiday season for everyone, and for myself to somehow get through it without becoming too heart-broken.

"Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want. Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself-just send money. How about tens and twenties?"

it doesn't get any better than that. =)

i need my oasis - 03:53 a.m. comment here!

author of the day on Monday, November 21, 2005

out of sheer randomness i pulled up a bunch of stories i've written when i was younger. wow, i'm a horrible writer! i mean, fragments, unneeded commas, and run-on sentences everywhere! who the hell would want to sit around and read a hundred pages of that?

anyway, i'm still looking for things to take up my time (my next cross-stitch comes in this week yesss!!! xD ((i so need a life, and yes i am aware of the double parathensis...is that allowed?)) and i decided to re-edit and throw up an old writing on a forum to see what people thought of it. so far i've only redone the first two chapters and i'm a bit hesitant to even do the rest.

for one thing, i forgot how young the crowd of people were that read these things. and i also forgot that they all write LiKe dIs. Ya kNow Wha I sAYin'??!! Yo Yo yO. i know i used to be the same way but damn-it's annoying when you're old.

my story has already been pushed back at least ten pages in the forum (popular place?) and i can't even get in right now because there are probably 50 people in there already. i guess i'll just have to sit around and wait my turn.

there is just one small thing bothering me though; should i really be changing things that i wrote years back? it kind of feels like i'm going back in my diary and crossing out my ex's names because they no longer exsist in my life. i know the stories were written horribly but they were written in the way i felt at the time-a deranged, angsty, and moody little teen.

i suppose i should write something new but i just don't think i have it in me anymore, meaning i don't have the want or motivation to do so. kind of like everything else in my life but that's besides the point.

the holidays are creeping up and i'm trying best not to be the gloomy charlie brown that i am. i will try to keep busy and occupied so i don't think about it too much. but i think i my heart still feels burdened and haunted by things that have long passed.

"of all the charlie browns in the world, you're the charlie browniest."

i need my oasis - 05:59 p.m. comment here!

up and about on Wednesday, November 9, 2005

being up late at night has led to some new discoveries-some new and some oldtime favorites:

discovery home channel-i've found a new place to watch cooking shows. i'm such a betty homemaker.

re-watching laguna beach episodes i've downloaded-please don't hate me. -___-

playing endless games of mahjong. i was pro at this game back in the day!

reading and rereading everyone's journal. why doesn't anyone update frequently anymore? i know, i know-i'm not one to talk. =(

sitting around, twiddling my thumbs while the sun rises.

and lastly but not least. lee minwoo. on my endless spree of mass downloading i've ran across a few of his performances. i'm reminded of my teeny-bopper crushes on the korean boyband versions of nsync and backstreet boys. even though i swore i was going to marry hyesung (this other guy) i couldn't help but notice how much minwoo has grown up. think of him as the asian version of usher if you will. i've even decided to add him back to the "list" if you know what i mean *wink wink* hehe.

hmm, i hope the bf doesn't hate me now. =(

i need my oasis - 02:46 a.m. comment here!

hmm... on Tuesday, November 1, 2005

i can't remember the last time i fell asleep before 4 am.

i'm lucky if i fall asleep before 6.

*sigh* i'll break out of this mold soon...i hope.

i need my oasis - 03:40 a.m. comment here!

eegad! on Sunday, October 23, 2005

i think something is wrong with me...

for the past couple of weeks i've been having these weird dreams. i'm driving around in shiny fancy cars, hanging out on the beach, and chilling out with cool, attractive teens...

who happen to be the teens of laguna beach (the real oc, mind you =P)

*dun dun dun*

i am officially a sad, sad person. -____-

i need a job. then i can stop staying up until the wee hours of the morning.

of course, i could just get up early on my own and fix this problem but what's the point when there is no incentive to get up early in the first place? xD

i need my oasis - 02:41 a.m. comment here!

woah on Monday, October 3, 2005

ok.

it's been a long while since i've written or even looked at this thing. not too much has been going on in my life that has been worth mentioning. but it is 2 in the morning and i'm feeling rather restless and bored so i'll see what kind of entry i can make out of this.

i can't believe it's only been 3 weeks since i've quit my job and moved to riverside. i can't tell you how great it was to finally leave that place. i think the drive to riverside that night was one of the best drives i've had-it was like a closing chapter and an opening of a new one. i've learned many things from being on my own in san diego, and i've overcome a lot of obstacles and fears. i hope it has made me a better and stronger person.

i can't believe that it is october already. it feels like just yesturday was the first day of summer. come to think of it, i don't remember it being this hot during the summer-we are in the high 90s over here. yay living in a dessert!

the transition here has been great-i'm living with the bf's mom in her comfy home and it's just been really nice. i start at cal state fullerton in january and have decided on not looking for a job until then. we are not sure yet if we are going to stay in riverside or if we are going to move back to orange county because: a) we are really poor. b) we pay a small monthly fee to stay at mom's. c) the commute to orange county wouldn't be too bad. and d) we are really poor. =(

this whole no-working thing has been great and all, but i have to constantly find things to do to keep myself from being bored out of my mind. my bad sleeping habits are back and i am staying up until 6 am only to sleep in until around 3 pm. 0.o hence the early morning entry.

anyway, that's really it for anyone who was truly interested. oh, and i am so addicted to laguna beach (the REAL oc)* that it is truly a sad, sad thing. and what's even sadder is i love the area so much that i wanted to live there-until i found out what bratty kids it produces. =( a girl could dream though.

*note sarcasm

i need my oasis - 01:58 a.m. comment here!

vegas! on Thursday, August 11, 2005

it was an awesome weekend-despite the fact that it took us 7 hours to get there and almost just as long to get back because of all the traffic. but it was very well worth it to have a fantastic time with my girls. =D the highlight of the weekend: sunbathing in the fountain by the pool, before being asked to get out by a 16 year old lifeguard (darn! the pool looked all gross with the 10 thousand people in it but we reluctantly got in after). downfall: having a 5 foot asian guy attached to my leg all night at the last club we went to. -___-; i won't live that one down for awhile.

now i'm at home, back into the groove of working my ass off. =O yay being poor!
i also have seem to caught some kind of summer cold. i have no idea where or how, though i'm suspicious of the hacking customers that have come through my line at work. and all the dirty money from people with dirty hands. *shudder* it's so gross. i just want to bathe myself in rubbing alcohol when i'm done.

i'm also craving something sweet. badly. can we all guess what time of the month it is?

*sigh* i want another vacation. now. please? =(

i need my oasis - 12:24 a.m. comment here!

another overdue entry on Sunday, July 17, 2005

the bf was just telling me how i haven't written in this thing in awhile...i think i should change the layout but i don't know what to do with it. *blinks* plus i'm too lazy.

to take up time and space i stole this survey from lez:

(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
(x ) smoked anything else
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car

(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight

(x) snuck out of parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
(x) gone on a blind date

(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone die

( ) had/have a crush on one of your LJ friends
() been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar

(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of LJ
( ) been moshing at a concert

( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel

(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake

(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat

(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
( ) been in a car accident

(x) had braces
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu (x) danced in the moonlight

(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes

(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost (and am constantly! what can i say, i'm horrible with directions)
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying

(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins (haha i'm a broke-ass!)

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain

(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey

( ) screamed "erection" in class
(x) ate dog food (so i tried it once...i was curious!)
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress (every girl should *wink*)

( ) fucked in a park
( ) fucked in the bathoom
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) kissed a fish

(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night

(x) didnt take a shower for a week (when i've had the flu)
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone

(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school (oh the woes of being an 80s kid!)
( ) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch

(x) played chicken fight
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on (having a pool + evil siblings = no fun)
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused

(x) slept naked
( ) French braided someones hair
(x) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house

work has been brutal to me this month. today was the first day in a long time that i've had to be on the register 8 hours straight. usually i'm on the floor doing other things and ringing people up when it gets busy, but today was not one of those days. if you've never cashiered anywhere let me tell you-it gets old real quick.

the day overall wasn't too bad but the hours did seem to drag by. i tried to stay uplifted and the best way i found to do that was to think about my vacation coming up. whenever i had a free moment i would close my eyes and think of my little red bmw convertible with the top off, myself riding passenger next to the bf, and us taking off to palm springs for a week. i absolutely can't wait, though i'm a bit wary because my manager hasn't been giving me days off that i've asked. we're also terribly understaffed, which is why he is working my ass off. i hope we hire soon, i always see all these applications piled up in the office. why can't we hire just one more person?

i keep telling myself i'm going to find another job but so far i've found nothing promising. and that's discouraging, only proves that i need to get back into school so i can get into something i really enjoy. but what is that something? i still have yet to figure out.

edit: 12:46 am
------------------------------------------------

i have this horrible probrem where i will come home exhausted and half-passed out anywhere from 7-9pm. i'll be nodding off to sleep somewhere but not wanting to go to bed because i know i will either: a)wake up in the middle of the night or b)wake up extremely tired from over-sleeping. but come along 11-2am and i am wide the fuck awake. and the sad thing is, i have to be up by 6 to get ready for work. shit.

i must have cursed myself for all those nights i stayed up late when i was younger. "STAY AWAKE FROM 11PM TO 2AM EVERY NIGHT" must be permanently imprinted in my brain or something.

*sigh*

another restless night coming right up...can i get a side of fries with that this time?

------------------------------------------------
end edit

i need my oasis - 10:32 p.m. comment here!

moved! on Wednesday, July 6, 2005

wow, that took forever. 0.o and i only moved across the street! funny how i lived here before two years ago and now i'm back! not for long though, come september and its off to a bigger (i hope) and better place!

i no longer have to deal with stupid landlords that nitpick at every little thing and make me gather checks to get stupid money orders because they won't take my personal check. blah. let's just hope the next landlord will be a little more understanding.

work has been keeping me incredibly busy these days and my boss is on my case for requesting days off. it's a bit difficult to make plans when everyone but me has the weekends off-excuse me for wanting to have a bit of a life! all i'm asking for is a saturday or sunday off now and then. =(

there has been a change of plans with school and it looks like music will be put on hold for awhile. i'm thinking of quitting my lessons because i don't think they are doing much for me. more news to come later as i figure things out.

i'm getting a cat tomorrow! my friend's mom has to get rid of some of her cats and i volunteered to take one of them off her hands. yay!

other than that, nothing else is going on. i just want to lay out in the sun somewhere and snooze. =)

i need my oasis - 11:20 a.m. comment here!

weekend update on Sunday, June 26, 2005

i've just ended one of the best weekends i've had in a long time...and i am absolutely exhausted. my whole body hurts but it was definately worth it.

one of my bestest friends from the oc came down yesturday and after i got off work we met up and began a whirlwind of activities. it's funny how we haven't really kept in touch phone-wise or even internet-wise (besides the fact that i haven't seen her in a year) but the moment we see each other it's like nothing has changed. of course there is a lot of catching up to do but mel will always be mel and i know it is likewise. she brings out a side of me that doesn't get to come out and play often and when it does it feels great. i'm not sure what it really is but when i'm not around the bf or my best friends i feel like i can't let myself go as much as i should. and i know it is something i need to work on.

anyway, it was a vacation for mel and her boy and in a way it was a vacation for the bf and myself because we rarely go out anywhere. maybe that's why i was so out of it-i don't have a night life! at 9 pm i was ready to pass out. we spent the latter part of the night walking around the downtown area trying to find this one bar and the boys kept taking us in circles saying things like, "i SWEAR i saw this place two blocks ahead," or "we just need to cross and go a block to the left and i KNOW its on that corner." i was ready to ask someone for directions but that idea was rallied against. *sigh* boys will be boys i guess. we must have walked a few miles before we discovered that we actually passed the place a couple of times without recognizing it because they had remodeled. -__-;

th walking was nice though and by the time we ended the night it was 2 am! i can't remember the last time i was ever out that late. i had been up since 5 am the last morning and i was exhausted. i'm also at the bitter ends of an infection that won't seem to go away. *grr* i somehow managed to get up this morning though i have no idea how. we went to a baseball game that mel got free tickets for and sat through a good portion of the game before we decided to leave to get icecream-what can i say, we're not really padres fans. =P

i miss my girl like crazy now that she's left and i've vowed to myself that i need to be better about keeping in touch and calling her at least once every week. i'm also going to try to be better with the rest of my friends and family, whom i talk to maybe once every couple of weeks. it'll be hard to break bad habits but i'll have to at least give it a try.

this next month will be busy-my summerschool class fell through which i'm very dissapointed about, but it ended up not being a class i needed. so i will start fresh fall semester. our lease is up the end of this month and i still need to pack all of my stuff. 0.o; the bf and i are moving in with friends across the street for two months and then we are going to find another place to live with a couple of the boys we are moving in with. we even have vacataion plans for august which i am very excited about. all in all, i have a lot to look forward to. =)

on another note i am starting to get tired of pitas-i can't seem to get anything to work on it. my pictures don't work and my flooble box was disabled for some reason. i think i really might have to switch to xanga *cringe* where everything i need is pretty much provided. but i swore to myself i would never join the masses! *shakes fist*

oh well, we'll see. =P

i need my oasis - 09:34 p.m. comment here!

getting into gear on Wednesday, June 8, 2005

its been awhile since i've had a day with absolutely nothing to do. i had things to take up my time (i.e. working out, practicing flute, doing laundry, etc.) but these were pretty miniscule tasks and took up only bits and pieces of the day. i found myself sitting around for the most part, wondering what the hell to do with myself.

i've been having this raw feeling that's been eating away my insides about what i'm going to do with my life, career-wise. i always thought i had some sort of idea of what i wanted to do, (teach music) but suddenly i'm not so sure anymore. i've taken too long of a break from playing flute, and lets not even talk about the last time i've even seen a piano. music used to be so enjoyable because it was so easy i didn't even need to think about it. years later i find myself struggling to get back to where i was.

i was ready to give up and maybe try to think of something else to do. the problem is there isn't really anything else i would want to do, if anything at all. i was talking with my brother the other day and we both seem to be stuck at the same point-trying to get out of community college and to make something of ourselves. my brother told me he didn't have the drive to do anything and i agreed-i had lost all motivation to go on.

i think i've done pretty well over the past year-a hell of a lot better than the year before. life was so easy and everything was almost handed to me when i lived at home. sadly my mom took care of almost everything for me, including my laundry. when she passed away it was like reality slapped me in the face and i realized i was really on my own. i had never even stepped in a bank by myself before i moved out. i didn't drive or have a car, how would i survive?

i like to say i'm pretty financially independent and emotionally stable now. with my dad retired and moved into a retirement community i know that there is no going back. i can't move back home if something goes wrong, i can't really ask for money unless i'm in a really tight bind (and even then i'd feel extremely guilty for it). i'm on my own for school which kind of scares me because i always thought my parents would put me through. but times and circumstances change-life changes i guess you'd say.

anyway i got really strayed from the topic there. i had a long talk with the bf and he motivated me to stay in school and to continue with music, not only for myself but because it was always what my mom wanted for me. life is not easy, i have to keep telling myself. its not always easy to go on but you have to-you can't keep living in the past. i know there are many struggles and up-hill battles to come, but if i can stay on top and overcome it'll only make me a better person in the end.

i need my oasis - 12:01 a.m. comment here!

*sigh* on Thursday, May 26, 2005

my pictures are down...but only temporarily. the site i was using to store them closed my account because it was only a trial period. i have another place to put them but i'm too damn lazy to upload them again. =P

anyway, they'll be back again later...

i need my oasis - 09:48 p.m. comment here!

a bit of a rant on Thursday, May 19, 2005

so let me just add on to a list of things about my work that just kind of irk me. and the sad thing is most of the things deal with the customers rather than the work itself.

i got this one lady who emptied her purse of change onto the counter (spilling half of it onto the ground) and promptly begins to count out about five dollars in dimes and pennies. everytime she counts up a dollar and pushes it to the side she manages to spill half of it back onto the floor. about a century passes and she discovers she doesn't have enough change for what she needs and pulls out the plastic instead. this is where i walk away and start banging my head against the wall.

i also don't get customers that try to tell me what to do. how the hell do they know what i'm supposed to be doing? i remember one customer said something like "you need to close the register because i think it is still charging me." what the fuck?! are you listening to yourself? do you hear how insanely stupid you sound? you think the register is still charging you. were you born a MORON in a past life???!!

ok, maybe i'm getting way over my head here, but the last time i heard of a register coming to life and "over-charging" customers was, well...never. not that i would have anything to do with it because, you know...registers are in control of what goes on, not me.

alright, enough of that! i could go on for ages but i'm sure everyone has stopped really paying attention two paragrahs ago. but one good thing i can say about my work is that i'm getting a promotion! and with promotions comes raises so i can't complain too much about that. =)

in other news, the bf finally managed to drag my lazy ass out of bed so i could go to the community college to talk to a counselor. i had to get a suspension on my record cleared so i can take classes again (that's what you get when you drop all your classes two semesters in a row).

anyway, i got all that squared away but now the class i want to take is full. =( so i'm on the waiting list and i'll have to see if i can get in on the first day. i can't believe it has been two years since i've been in a classroom. who would have ever thought i would miss it so much?

alright, i'm tired. time to hit the sack.

i need my oasis - 11:14 p.m. comment here!

so... on Tuesday, May 17, 2005

i am so horrible with this thing. where did the days go that i would post about meaningless crap at least once a day?

anyway, i swear i was sitting here typing up an entry last thursday night but i never got a chance to finish it. instead it sat there on my computer while i went up to santa cruz for the weekend.

(pictures were here but i'm too damn lazy to re-upload them. =P sorry.)

it was a great trip and the bf and i got to visit a good friend we haven't seen in awhile. it was really nice to get away for awhile and take some time off-even if my manager gave me shit for it and called me up the day after i got home. -___-; what does a girl have to do to get a couple days off around here?

the horrible thing now is that i can't seem to turn the "off" button on my vacation. all i want to do is laze around and...well, be lazy.

if you have some free time and were a fan of smashing pumpkins you should check out billy corgan's confessions. it's a little biography he's writing and is actually pretty interesting.

i need my oasis - 02:06 p.m. comment here!

i'm back! on Monday, May 2, 2005

wow, i never really thought there would be a day that i would go back to pitas. *tear* it's been a couple years since i've been here but it feels good to be back. my sublunary page is down and i'm waiting for zeid's command on what to do next. since pitas is easier for me to maintain i will ~~maybe~~ ~~most likely~~ ~~probably~~ be posting more. xD we will see.

dreaming is such a fascinating process, i think. depending on what the dream is about, it can really set my mood for the rest of the day. when my mom passed away i would have nightmares every night for months, mostly about death. as time has gone by the nightmares have deceased and i am left with "bad dreams" every now and then. or, how i like to put it, "sad dreams".

i have a lot of dreams about my home and the park next to it. i still have a lot of dreams about my mom but they are never happy dreams. i wish they were, but maybe because i can't really associate (yet) "happiness" with my mom being gone it just doesn't come out in my dreams.

it's funny how strongly you can feel something when you dream, that even when you wake up you can still feel the happiness/sadness the dream brought you. i definately woke up this morning with a heavy feeling in my heart.

anyway, i'm not quite sure where i was going with this entry. i think i'm just writing for the sake of writing.

*sigh* it's just one of those days...

i need my oasis - 10:57 a.m. comment here!

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